I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
