PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize