You just made me feel so damn special
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
