I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
