This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
ok first of all what the fuck
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
