I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
