Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Will exercising make me less horny?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
