She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
