theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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