Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
