He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
