He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
