Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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