So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
