but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
