Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
