The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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