I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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