zippers are such a cool invention
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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