I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
