Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I need water and some morals
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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