check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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