1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
