Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
