yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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