True but thats because hes a fetus.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
