you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
