I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
