please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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