did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
