I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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