i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
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There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
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DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
we should paint friendship bongs
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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