No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
