I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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