Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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