Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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