I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
its liver damage thursday
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
