I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
