i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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