I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
