good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
