I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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