everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
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I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
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My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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