OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
