That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
