How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
