she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
