Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
there was a trapeze. enough said
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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