Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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