Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
