i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
