why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
