3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
