ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
