woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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