Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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