The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
