dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Can Purell be used as lube?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
