im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
