I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
4 words: hood of his car
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
