1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
