you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
