My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We had to coat check the pizza.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
