I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
