After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
