what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
