At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
