I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
