Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Everyone says I win the strip club
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
